Deep Thoughts

Car is still not out of the body shop. Not having a rental policy sucks. Not like I could use it even if I had it. BMW takes too fucking long. A month and a half running now, mostly likely longer. Fucking christ. Trying to remain positive about not being able to go anywhere on my own: at least I'm not putting miles on my car. I know, pretty lame excuse.

21st birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to do, if anything. I'm not too close to many people anymore it seems (partly of my own doing, but when you start going out less, the less you see many people), my parents are in Japan, and there's no-place I particularly want to go out to. Kind of down about that. Not too much though; not like I've ever done anything for my birthday.

Classes finally starting to become relevant as I can see to my major. Only took about 2 years, and at that I'm still stuck taking the occaisional bullshit course. Looking back, I don't think I have ever had but one, maybe two great teachers...all the way back through middle school. All the rest have either been bad or just average. Nothing wrong with average, but I'd say, in all honesty, the sub-par teachers have outweighed the average ones. I thank my last semester speech teacher for teaching me how to outline and write a good paper and not get nervous/procrastinate in doing it, and my 8th grade math teacher for showing me how great a motivated, enthusiastic teacher could be.

I think life is taking a downward feel lately mostly because the farther I get in college/work/life, the more I realize my full potential. This would be decent if the farther I got in college/work/life, I also started using more of this potential. It just seems the gap continues widening. Again, trying to remain enthusiastic and energetic despite feeling less and less like trying.

Proactive steps being taken to pave way for future:
-> Meet/talk with father's collegue about Six Sigma training, associated costs, etc
-> Continue strict regimen of saving at least half of each paycheck
       - With saved funds, lock a certain percentage in fixed CD's as U.S. rates continue to climb with inflation worries
       - Play remaining funds in market, particularly foreign, asia-pacific asset holding firms
-> Continue to focus more on and continue to do well in school (as of this semester forward)
-> Start pursuing mentioned contacts more heavily for internship opportunities, going so far as to "cold call" certain opportunities for more information/availabilities
-> Move back home (as hard a pill as that is to swallow), to get out of a shitty apartment whose rent has increased in one year by more than 10%. Cheap Place equals Cheap Rent. Cheap Place equals Mid-Expensive Rent. Save some more money there. Ruled out buying a house as there's no way I'll be able to get a 150k loan without a significant downpayment and a co-signer (of which I'll have neither). Regardless, I'm going to run the possibility by a realtor. Credit score can't me goodies this time.
-> More heavily target and look for work that caters to growth, personal interests, and utilization of skills

How...motivational. Tony Robbins couldn't have listed it better.

I want some of those spicy peanuts from the gas station. Toodles.

9-10-06

A tree...

...fell...

...on...

...my...





car.

Sitting at a stoplight.



God hates me.

I'll be in China Saturday (7/1) through Friday (7/7). I don't plan on bringing my laptop with me to commie-pinko-ville, so send all e-mails and so on to my LSU account at mmahon4@lsu.edu. I'll also be able to see everything here or on Facebook, so there's some other venues for contact. Basically anything web-paged based, and nothing outside program/account specific.

Great-Wall time.

- Matt

http://freephotosandvideos.com/videos.php?vid=_r0n9Dv6XnY&t=Baltimora - Tarzan Boy

That one goes out to you, Owen.

Who loves ya baby.

- Matt

List your demands, as responses, here.

This is me posting.

This is me posting after waking up at 2:00.

This is me posting while sitting in my boxers.

This is me posting while not paying attention to the "Charmed" marathon on TNT.

This is me posting, thinking I need to go to the bank.

This is me posting.



I'll post more later.

So I got Skype, and this cool cell phone looking thing for it. Handle: verveAbsolut. Dial me nukkas, and you know who you are.

Next, I am buying a 26" LCD TV tommorrow. My other one died and I'm $600 up, so it's time to cash in.

CompUSA is hilarious. More to come later

I like updating only periodically. Keeps anyone who reads in some kind of suspense...

So it turns out that whole Phi Sigma Pi thing was a waste of time, as I didn't get in. It really bothered me for a bit...still does, slightly. I think the things that bother me are as follows:

#1 Time Invested
#2 Money Invested
#3 Selection Process

I harbor zero ill will towards anybody at all, although thinking as to all the hours spent on various meetings, interviews, etc is frustrating. Second to that is me thinking all the times I went out to eat with people, during the times when I really didn't want to, or my choice of company would possibly have changed for those times. Shite. Probably the thing I find absolutely hilarious though is the voting process. The way it works (worked?) was that every brother voted simply "Yes," or "No," to a person. If it seemed close the person would be...get this...debated in a pro/con manner. I mean, holy shit, can anybody really say "Yes," or for that matter, flatly say "No," to a human being? We barely had 3 or so months to get to know each other, and evidently it was enough to simply put it that way for people. I think it's funny, because I really wonder how that whole debate about me would have gone. I knew I had stuck out like a sore thumb since the beginning. I knew that some of the brothers patently disliked me, but not for reasons they could themselves fully understand I believe. I could feel it when I talked to some of them...listening but not hearing what I had to say, all the while thinking of how they disliked what I was saying for no good reason at all. They were unable to express said dislike though, as I never insulted or fucked them over. I guess the opportunity came then to vote, and the feelings hadn't changed.

Ehh well, fuck it. Like I said, knowing that there is/was a group that said no to me as a person and as a human being is kind of a damper, but c'est la vie.

Other news:

Work is awesome. The customers are so much smarter than those at Best Buy, and the ones that aren't knowledgeable that come in are willing to learn (generally). So much more relaxed. They have cooler toys at CompUSA as well. The networking aisle is my home.

School sucks. I am sick of spending so much fucking time on nothing but presentations. Why are two courses alone, 3000 level marketing and a 1000 level communications class, eating up at least 20 hours of my life weekly, on a regular basis? What the fuck, seriously. Nevermind that I also have Econ (Banking and the Money Supply), ISDS (Business statistics), and Management to deal with. I really am quite sick of all this shit. There have been more than a few times this past week I've contemplated just cashing out...liquidating nearly everything I own and going to work at some dive shop on some random island for a year or so.

I haven't had a chance to get to the gym lately either. Annoying, I'll probably have to drop weight on my sets now.

I want to go again to the shooting range soon. I need to clean my 1911 before I go though.



"The older you get, the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N."

Damn I'm mellow.

I was sitting in traffic at a light yesterday, when I heard a honk off to my left. I glanced over, noticed nothing, looked back forward. I heard a honk again, looked over, and this time noticed these two hot, bleached hair girls waving at me. Situation seemed incredibly childish, but it was quite an ego stroking.

Occaisionally, I feel completely under-appreciated. I gave a gift to a friend the other day (gifts that took some effort to find), to which I got a thanks, but it struck me as a thanks given without considering the action taken. Like, just saying thanks, without thinking at all of the effort being given it and so on. Maybe I'm odd, but no matter what I get I see the effort that went into it or the thoughtfulness of it no matter what it is. It's disheartening and makes me completely rethink the idea of giving gifts when something like this happens. Basically, I don't like putting effort into making people happy when it doesn't have any net effect. I think everyone is that way though, so this point is moot.

I wish I had a silent passenger in my car at times who could just take pictures of the sky and scenery when I drive around. It's too hard taking pictures when you drive a stick shift car. The weather has been gorgeous lately and when it turns shitty again I would like some reminders. Lately with the lack of humidity and all, it's reminded me of living back up North.

Jane, that song "83" by John Mayer is awesome. When you had those lyrics in the title of your journal way back in the day, I never knew where they were from. I burnt a CD with that song after having listened to only the first few seconds any other time, when I finally realized where I recognized it from driving around.

I'm off to Houston tommorrow, staying 'til Thursday.

I don't even know why I am writing this, as I feel no real need to put anything down for anyone to see or to vent any emotion present. I think this is some attempt, done in vain, to express the intangible. I wish I could relate to someone how I feel right now. I've been dwelling on a combination of the past and thinking of the future, feeling nothing but...melancholy? No, more a contentment, actually. Not an enthusiastic contentment, a contentment based in action and achievement, but rather this is out of a total acceptance of past and present and a liking of where I see things going. A contentment out of comprehension and understanding, if you will. I think the fact that I have not slept in 36 or so hours has accentuated any thoughts about this.

I don't think I can adequately express my current state in any way, shape or form. It just feels like things are right, or I am finally on the right track. It's kind of odd, especially considering my grades seem to be more than a bit off right now, and my financial situation is...not good. I've met and learned about (and from) some great people recently, and I think it is these experiences that feel right, that bettering me as a person is finally being weighed in my mind as much more important than any material possessions or accomplishments. I always told myself as such, but I think everyone tells themselves things that stand in stark contrast to how they behave.

This is so fucked up for me to think these ways, if anyone knows much about me from the past.

How have I, as of late, been able to open up so much, apologize so much, fix things so much and feel no fear, no anxiety, no apprehension of rejection? Takers?

I feel like I am on Vicodin right now.


- Matt

I haven't made an ass of myself lately.
I haven't come off as arrogant.
I haven't pissed off anybody.
I haven't disappointed anybody.


At least, not that I think. I've made a conscious effort to abide more by the adage of "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."



Then why do I feel like such a shitty person?

There is this huge feeling I've been trying to stall at the back of my mind, the feeling that I have disappointed someone. Myself? I don't know.

Hoping rediculous music will fix this, at least for tonight.

- Matt

http://www.alldumb.com/item/23733/

I love Olbermann. This is second only to his rant during Katrina.

- Matt

Okay, they've crossed the line. It used to be just a 3 repetition, shitty, "lose the fat" commercial. Now they've done it. Relacore has now become a FEEL GOOD PILL. No fucking joke. www.feelgoodpill.com. They've completely skipped the middle man. Follow me here:

#1 You have belly fat.
#2 Belly fat makes you sad/anxious/depressed.
#3 You buy Relacore.
#4 You take Relacore.
#5 You lose belly fat.
#6 You feel better, less anxious, etc.

...to this...

#1 You are sad/anxious/depressed.
#2 You buy Relacore
#3 You take Relacore
#4 You feel better, less anxious, etc.


*cue sarcasm* Maybe it's just me, but last I heard, drugs that both burn only belly fat, somehow never just cured depression.

They're geniuses. AXE commercials work the same way.

#1 Buy AXE
#2 Succeed at something
#3 Get laid

...to...

#1 Buy AXE
#2 Get laid

Genius.

#520670 +(4401)- [X]

random girl: hey!
me: ...hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye

#608100 +(3297)- [X]

cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet
cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied
emoti_conartist> lol
cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
cassius_clay13> so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a shit
emoti_conartist> hahahahahaha
cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first'
cassius_clay13> so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
cassius_clay13> and runs away
cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER



http://bash.org/?top

http://www.collegehumor.com/pictures/1659029/



Says something for the rapper stereotype, especially when sold across the nation by CVS.

I think the less I see of people I once knew well, the happier I am. This is kind of fucked up, but let me explain. It's not my closest friends to which this applies. It's mostly people I classified as acquaintainces. Feels like I'm leaving the past behind...I suppose?

I am not car friendly. I fucked up my mom's/my Mini the other day in the CompUSA lot. I was backed out in the aisle, and some fuckwit behind me decided to back out when I'm there. Like some kind of tard I couldn't find the horn in time (what damn car has buttons to either side of the center for the horn), so he backed up into the side of my bumper. Fucker. More bullshit to deal with. At least the Jeep will be history soon.

In the process of joining Phi Sigma Pi. Fully joined Alpha Kappa Psi. Now I am all social in a formal setting, or something.

I've felt as though there is nothing important worth saying here anymore. Hmm.

- Matt

I have just invented a new product tonight. It's called "Bitch-Out." It's like white-out, but makes the bitches go away.

It is made from the concentrate of beer, farts, working out, racial epithets, football, and talk about cars.



I will be rich.

- Matt

If there's one thing that pisses me off more than anything else online, it's motherfuckers who can't spell shit correctly when it's typed out. You know what you're writing. If you have doubts, look that shit up. www.dictionary.com. It's simple. So many facebook groups with shit spelled incorrectly in their names. That and journal entries. Don't fuck that shit up either, or I'll have to cut you a new asshole.

And another note, if some motherfucker goes trolling my journal for some shit misspelled, you can go fuck yourself if you post about it.

Fuckin' cunts.

My TV broke, and I want my car back soon.

Oh, and I evidently did great in a marketing presentation, despite the urge to pass out from nerves. Wondering how the "self-intro" speech I gave in public speaking went. We'll see. Time to study for an ISDS test tommorrow.

- Matt



NOTE: I am quite happy in this post, I just find swearing to be the funniest god damned thing right now.

This will be a bunch of random thoughts.

#1 Red House Painters are a great group. I should say guy, because it's basically one dude on a guitar. Sufjan sucks compared to this.

#2 I might turn into a frat-boy. I attended an info-session for Alpha Kappa Psi tonight, and it had a lot of things that sound good and pertinent to my field/major. They're more a professional club/organization per se than a fraternity, which is nice. It may be a nice way to meet like minded people too. Fees and dues are low as well, so none of the "paying for friends" bullshit that seems to embody social fraternities. This would be more for networking and so on, at least to me.

#3 Speaking of that, my classes are awesome. Economics, management, and statisics are all pretty straightforward courses, but my marketing and public speaking courses have a load of information I could learn from. The great thing is that I have both on the same day, and each plays off the other. Great, great material in each of those courses.

#4 Not having a job is allowing me to focus on school to a much greater degree. I'm also able to finally get sleep while the semester is going on in stark contrast to prior years. It's amazing how easy it is to keep up with school when your life doesn't revolve around working.

#5 I want to visit Steven Merritt in Mexico if it is at all possible during the first half of the summer. I am taking summer school courses for the second. Then, I plan on applying to do a study abroad semester at the University of Essex. I am tentatively planning this as it may be a different university, but it will be overseas nonetheless. Lastly, I want to do New Years in Vegas.

Looks like I may not be able to visit my dad in Japan this summer, but probably the next years'. No worries.

#6 There is the possiblity I may be able to be hired as a representative for Hewlett-Packard. Zack introduced to me a guy who works for HP, who I made some idle chat with and passed my resume off to. Zack tells me they are paid around fifteen an hour, and considering they only work two eight-hour shifts every other weekend (2 weekends a month, 32 hours total), I would have plenty of time off for school and whatnot. I also like the idea of getting paid half as much as I did at Best Buy, but for a quarter of the "on-the-clock" time. What makes it even nicer is it would be only 2 commutes every other week, as opposed to the 5 or so commutes I was making at Best Buy. Even less time spent on a job, considering that. I can only hope this pans out.

#7 Oh, I also got in a car accident. I was heading down College Drive toward I-10 (from Perkins, etc) when an F-150 turned across my lane and I nailed him. Too bad the fucker had to yield to me, seeing as how I had a green. Dipshit. Six mexicans were in the car when I hit them, but they seemed to disappear rather rapidly. Ilegals I'll guess. Anyways, fixing my car should be pretty easy...mostly body damage to limited parts (hood, bumper, left quarter panel, flare), but my parents say they've noticed a leak up front. I'll end up having to get it assessed regardless, so I don't care. Aside from having to be driven everywhere, that is.

I need to fire off an e-mail to my parents now. Then time to sleep. I'm tired.

http://douweosinga.com/projects/googlebattle

Google battle result:
chuck norris : 242
everybody : 134

Google battle result:
matt : 431
everybody : 190

Google battle result:
chuck norris : 242
matt : 145

I got owned. Fuck.

- Matt